I just finished reading Mudslingers: The Twenty-Five Dirtiest Political Campaigns of All Time by Kerwin Swint. It’s especially interesting to look at in a Presidential election year, even if it’s more of a bathroom-style read than, like, a serious book (it’s broken down into 5-6 page sections with clever subheadings and lots of pictures). I don’t know that I’d agree with the order in which he ranks them, but it’s obviously really well-researched and some of the pictures, especially when it comes to old handbills and things like that, are fascinating. Some things I learned from it:

1. Obama vs. McCain doesn’t come anywhere close to the list. Even in terms of race-baiting and dogwhistle politics, nothing that’s happened this year qualifies as significantly dirty. Not when you compare it to Harvey Gantt’s Senate run against Jesse Helms or Harold Washington’s race for the Chicago mayor’s office. Or, you know, George Wallace versus Albert Brewer. That shit makes the “celebrity” ad seem downright tame. Helms/Gantt featured the white hands ad, darkening Gantt’s skin and slowing his speech in commercials, highlighting all the black support he had in commercials… In the race against Harold Washington, Chicago’s first black mayor, his opponent Bernard Epton rallied his supporters with t-shirts that said “vote right, vote white” and played “Bye Bye Blackbird” at his campaign events. His staff distributed leaflets featuring a police badge that read “Chi-Congo Po-Lease“. And George Wallace would go into small Alabama towns explaining that Brewer, his white opponent, had “300,000 niggers at his rallies” and he needed their strong support. Obama/McCain doesn’t really compare. Wallace may have been fifty years ago, but Gantt and Washington were each in the 80’s and 90’s.

2. American politics has always been retarded. Holy cow, has it. Anyone who looks at the current silliness and says that we live in a disgusting age is missing the point. We live in the weirdest country on earth, especially when it comes to the way our politics play out, and that is not a new development. In 1800, John Adams’ people circulated handbills that read, “Thomas Jefferson is a mean-spirited, low-lived fellow, the son of a half-breed Indian squaw sired by a Virginia mulatto father… raised wholly on hoe-cake made of coarse-ground Southern corn, bacon, and hominy, with an occasional change of fricasseed bullfrog.” The Democrats distributed pamphlets to Irish communities in New York urging them that “all that is needed to make us the finest race on earth is to engraft on our stock the Negro element… intermarry with them as Lincoln wishes.” John Quincy Adams swiftboated the hell out of Andrew Jackson in 1828 by claiming that, in the Creek Indian War, Jackson murdered six of his own men. James Blaine’s supporters taunted Grover Cleveland, against whom they leveled baseless accusations of fathering an illegitimate child, with chants of “ma, ma, where’s my pa?” To the point where it became a national refrain. We’re not suddenly swayed by stupidity. Stupidity in politics is a part of our national fabric.

3. Nixon was always a monster. Maybe this isn’t news, but it’s interesting to me. It wasn’t just when he hooked up with Kevin Phillips and Pat Buchanan and kicked off the Southern Strategy that he became the slimiest character in the history of American politics. He portrayed Helen Douglas, his opponent in his 1950 Senate run, as an outright Communist, taking her marching orders directly from Stalin. He circulated fake handbills- fake handbills were always a huge part of sleazy campaigns- from a group calling itself “The Communist League of Negro Women” that claimed they were “with Douglas 100%.”

Incidentally, about those fake handbills- the tactic seems to have fallen out of favor a bit now, but I remember seeing fake billboards in 2004 when I was driving through Minnesota. It was right on the highway, and featured a giant photograph of two dudes in sailor suits holding hands and urged people to “vote for John Kerry: the gay marriage President”. It’s no longer a widespread tactic, though- I can only guess that we’re assumed now to have a more savvy take on things and not fall for that sort of trick anymore. Here’s a terrifying thought- maybe our politics is actually getting smarter?

4. My favorite smear of all time. Charles Rangel, in his 1993 New York congressional run against Herman Badillo, featured this exchange, on the subject of race:

Badillo: By the way, [Rangel] is half Puerto Rican.

Rangel: Mr. Badillo is an orphan who doesn’t even know who his own parents are!

Yeah, politics are just stupid.

We’ll see if there are any surprises on the way over the next six weeks to turn this one into a contender, but right now, I wouldn’t even say it’s close. The dirtiest ad so far has been the “Obama wants to teach your kindergartner sex ed”, and that’s got nothing on any of the real monstrosities of American political history.