I never really gave a fuck about Metallica, even when I was fifteen and they were supposed to be my favorite band. I liked Nine Inch Nails and Marilyn Manson instead. And if Metallica doesn’t do it for you at fifteen, they probably aren’t gonna rock your world at twenty-eight. Still, Rick Rubin produced their new one, and he’s pretty much the most interesting man in rock and roll. Anybody who can walk into a studio with Neil Diamond, Jay-Z, the Dixie Chicks, and Johnny Cash and get them all to turn in transformative performances that redefine their legend is worth listening to, and what he does with Metallica has to be either strange and compelling or maybe just laughably bad. Let’s find out!
1:24. Is that James Hetfield? Huh, I guess this is what his singing voice sounds like. Is he using a vocoder? Maybe it’s some kid from an emo band doing a guest spot.
1:55. Oh, hey, it is James Hetfield. This is a decent hook, I guess, but Metallica’s never really been hard up for those. It’s kinda funny, especially if kids in Metallica t-shirts who thought they were tough gave you shit when you were a teenager, but their main appeal, even to people who would fervently deny it, is as a pop band. They’re good at writing pop hooks, which is why they’re a $100 million dollar a year business enterprise and Dave Mustaine works at a Taco Bell in Riverside, California, when he’s not on tour.
2:29. Aw, the sunshine never comes. Note to James Hetfield: even if you’re singing about how you live in a dark world with no light or joy, when you invoke the word “sunshine”, you’re now singing a song about sunshine, which makes you more John Denver than Diamondhead.
3:04. Seriously, I’m willing to bet this is a vocoder. A quick Google of “The Day That Never Comes” and “vocoder” offers no relevant results, but is it possible that a human being’s singing voice actually sounds like that?
4:09. Well, at least it’s changing up now. And we’re only halfway through? I’ll admit it, I’m intrigued. Maybe not compelled, but it’s better than St Anger. Of course, the Kali’s Teeth Bracelet I saw at the Wellcome Center last week is better than St Anger.
4:21. “Love is a four-letter word / here in this prison”. Yow. I guess James Hetfield is still writing his own lyrics. Did you know that Rick Rubin still makes Anthony Keidis re-write his lyrics when he produces the Red Hot Chili Peppers? I guess he’s known those dudes since they were kids and has no qualms about telling him that he sounds like a jackass when he brings something stupid into the studio. Apparently he doesn’t feel the same way about James Hetfield.
5:41. Two guitar solos and counting!
6:28. Three! Go, Kirk, go! Also, how is it that I have never owned a Metallica record in my whole life and yet I know the name of every member, including Cliff Burton who died when I was like eight? Where does information like this come from?
7:45. Big messy finish. Huh. It’s really not a bad song, which is weird. I’m kind of disappointed, actually. Metallica are pretty much the most satisfying band in the world to hate. It’s fun to hate on U2, too, because, like, Bono. Oh, Bono, you big douche, go off and try to save the world again, why don’t you? But at least he’s, you know, trying to save the world. Metallica rise up and fight battles that benefit exactly nobody but Metallica- whether it’s the Napster thing or suing journalists for writing about an album they were invited to listen to, they’re remarkably skilled at making you hope that they fail in everything they attempt. And for the last few albums, you got it. Oh, did you. But now, with Rick Rubin? They don’t really suck. I don’t know what to call this feeling.
9 responses so far ↓
1 m.s. // Aug 27, 2008 at 12:30 pm
I’ve been curious about the new record…
I have a fair amount of respect for Jimmy Hetfield, because he’s a dude that really worked his balls off, back in the day. Burned his freakin hands to the bone, and still finished the tour! And, i don’t know if you’ve ever noticed, but he’s kind of a dork. Even like twenty years, he still sounds like he’s trying to be one of the cool kids when he’s doing his “Heavy metal guitarist” banter on stage. Not like Trent Reznor, who while still a geek, is one of the cool kids.
Also, Lars is possibly the biggest douche in Rock and Roll, is an even bigger dork, and him being best buddies with James really doesn’t help Jimmy out. And i really couldn’t give a shit about Kirk. The new bass player seems interesting, but i don’t know anything about him. I always got the feeling
Incidentally, that’s the best Dave Mustaine ‘joke’ I’ve heard in a while. Poor Dave. The early Megadeth records fuckin shred. Interestingly, i think Megadeth and Metallica both follow a similar timeline/curve in the quality of their records. I still haven’t seen Some Kind of Monster, though.
2 m.s. // Aug 27, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Man.
That message was a disjointed p.o.s.
That’s what i get for trying to cram one in on my lunch break at work, apparently.
3 c. // Aug 27, 2008 at 4:12 pm
but you are the second google result for “Metallica vocoder”. Let the investigation begin!
4 amp // Aug 28, 2008 at 9:08 am
I’ve only ever owned And Justice For All and the Black Album, so i’m not a huge fan, but respected them once a bit.
the opening is a 3-note transposition lifted from fucking My Chemical Romance (which i only know because of a year spent listening to 101x while delivering).
the rest sounds like every bit of slow crap they’ve farted out since the Black album. although i will grant it leans more towards the pre-black years in rock than St Anger.
I would have to hear the rest of the album, but based on what they decided to lead with, I’m puzzled why something like this took 3 years of effort for them. it sounds like a weekend of wankery tops, especially with a pro like Rubin on board (who you also forgot to mention invented the Beastie Boys when he gave them the beats to rap over)
amp Reply:
August 28th, 2008 at 9:09 am
er, not My Chemical Romance…that Funeral song.
5 m.s. // Aug 30, 2008 at 9:57 am
Okay, have actually listened to it at this point, I just have to say “meh”. Lars is too high in the mix, and lord is he a boring drummer. And when it comes to the “rocking out” section, they go at it in a very workman-like fashion, but they don’t shred in the way that they could. Which of course is the problem with every album they released in fifteen years. They’re still totally capable of blowing your face off (evident from live material, where in they still blow the doors with older material), but for some reason… don’t. Which is lame.
6 James Eric // Aug 30, 2008 at 4:18 pm
It’s not terrible but yes, the lyrics are pretty horrendous. It’s funny that I actually like St. Anger in a car-crash kinda way. It’s the sound of a band trying too hard. The drums certainly sound better here than they did on St. Anger.
Some Kind of Monster is one of the best rock documentaries I’ve seen, and made me appreciate the band more, and find yet more reasons to affirm that Lars is a douche.
m.s. Reply:
August 30th, 2008 at 9:42 pm
I don’t think the “Lars is a douche” well will ever go dry.
7 jason // Sep 15, 2008 at 2:42 pm
i find myself in the same boat as most of you, as i’ve been waiting 17 years for something that really kicks ass from Metallica. however i don’t get all the scrutiny dumped on them (besides lars) considering what this band has done.
if they kept making the same album over and over, ie:ac/dc, everyone would be bitching about that instead. god forbid they mature as humans and try to reflect that growth through their music witch had it’s hit and misses, but jesus, get over it. enjoy this one.
maybe it’s the last?
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