There’s a pretty heartbreaking article up on the NYTimes site about Jenny, an elderly elephant who has lived at the Dallas Zoo for the past twenty-two years. She’s had a pretty rough life, and suffers from what they describe as depression and post-traumatic stress disorder as a result. Because elephants are basically people.

The story on her is about the fact that she’s being moved, in light of her companion’s death and her own aging. The question is where she’ll go.

I’m not an anti-zoo person, really. I like zoos and know enough about them to understand that there’s a lot of good work that happens outside of visiting hours and viewing areas. I get that they instill in people who might otherwise not have them a sense of respect and understanding for animals, and inspire conservation efforts through the education they provide. But it’s pretty fucked-up to keep an elephant like Jenny in a zoo when there’s an alternative.

The story comes down to zoo association politics, apparently, because any broad understanding of the concept of politics dictates that everything is politics. The director of the Dallas Zoo had arranged to send her to a safari park in Mexico, essentially a drive-thru zoo full of exotic animals, with 300 acres for their expected three elephants. Elephant experts and activists want her to go to a sanctuary in Tennessee with seventeen other elephants on 2,700 acres, where she’ll be free from visitors outside of the staff.

The political component is two-fold- first, sending animals between zoos is how zoo directors further their careers, in that chummy sort of you scratch my back way that most careers are furthered. Second, the Association of Zoos and Aquariums, which accredits zoos in North America, sees the push to have Jenny moved to a sanctuary as a push against zoos in general. Which isn’t far from the truth, as the same activists who want Jenny moved to Tennessee tend to think that keeping elephants in a zoo is unethical, generally.

There’s a strong argument for that, but I won’t make it, because it’s all complicated and I haven’t made up my mind. The AZA’s position, though, is basically a slippery slope one, that if they send Jenny to a sanctuary, then it’ll be hard not to send any other elephant to one, because, basically, they’re better for them.

So, politics. It’s everywhere.

Meanwhile, here are some elephant facts. What? It doesn’t have to be all this guy’s a douche and john mccain’s campaign. We can learn, too.

1. Elephants drink alcohol, though they don’t know how to make it. When drunk, they get sentimental or angry, depending on their temperament, because elephants are basically people. If they know a sleeping human has a bottle of whiskey, they’ll disturb him to get it. If a certain behavior- say, having the shakes- caused a keeper to give an elephant alcohol, the elephant will fake it the next time he wants a drink.

2. A zookeeper in Paderborn, Germany in 1998 was trying to ease a constipated elephant’s dilemma (constipation can be fatal for elephants) with animal laxatives. The brave German was in the midst of administering an olive oil enema when the laxative kicked in and the mighty elephant bowels let loose. The force of the blast knocked the dude over, causing him to strike his head, and he drowned in a pool of elephant crap.

3. Domestic/captive elephants are still genetically wild, and can be used to replenish wild stock (which, incidentally, is part of why keeping breeding elephants in zoos serves the purpose of conservation).

4. The myth of the cyclops is almost certainly based on a found dwarf elephant skull from Sicily. Dwarf elephants were only about three feet tall.

5. Humans spread across the Americas so effectively by following the paths cut by mammoths, which are known as elephant roads.

Okay, enough elephant facts. Bring some up with your co-workers to dazzle them!